Excuse me...MAM!

My daughter along with my son and 9 other kids were in an act in the school talent show this year.  But before the talent show you have to endure tryouts to see who qualified to be in the "Big Show" the following Thursday.  They of course were the last act......of 20!  While listening to Love story by Taylor Swift for what seemed like the 100th time I had to go to the bathroom.  so I dashed off quickly, said excuse me about a hundred times, and then with a quick glance at the sign on the wall shot through the bathroom door.  The room was empty and oddly no urinals, there was a custodian lady who was cleaning and so I approached her with a simple "mam?" She quickly turned and looked at me and although she didn't say any words I could tell she wasn't happy.  I said "I know you are in here but can I use this restroom or do I have to go to another one?"  She slowly and deliberately said "No you can not use this restroom....you can use the restroom next door."  To which I replied " there is another guys restroom next....OHHHH MYY!"  I was in the girls restroom of an elementary school and worst off the custodian wasn't cleaning she was using...AHHHHHH! This wasn't a dream! it was real, so with out another word between us I turned to leave the bathroom and after what seemed like forever finally reached the door.  I reached and opened the door, to escape before anyone noticed what I had done, but just on the other side of the door....was my 3rd grade daughter!  She responded with a very embarrassed and inquisitive "daddy?" and I ran off.  True story

 

She wouldn't quit loving me....Thanks Mom!

My Mother wouldn't quit loving me.  She always wanted a little boy and when she got me she did more than take care of me, she played with me, fed liver and onions to me, and made me feel special.  Even though I broke things, hurt myself, pooped all over, and puked on her, she wouldn't quit loving me.  After I learned to speak she taught me to read.  When my mouth learned to say very hurtful things, and often said them to her, she wouldn't quit loving me.  When I became a teenager and even worse a middle school student she wouldn't quit loving me.  Despite the countless phone calls from teachers and ways I embarrassed her, she wouldn't quit loving me.  She wouldn't quit loving me when my behavior got so bad that she had to actually walk the hallways with me, her 8th grade son, to see what I was doing.  She believed in me, told me countless times that no matter what I became in life that she would be proud of me and I believed her.  She made our home safe, warm, and good.  I loved it there and even though at times I told her the opposite, she wouldn't quit loving me.  When life got tough for her and she had every reason to care more about her self, she wouldn't quit loving me.  She is uncompromising, unwavering, and outspoken.  She is good to me and I learned so much from her I could never write it down, but I live it everyday.  I will never quit loving you mom and I know you will never quit loving me.

Thats all....?

I am not a “Gadget" kind of guy, but recently I was lured into the world of the super geek.  I just got a blackberry, one that came out with a lot of hoopla; it boasted a lot of neat features and a 3.2 mega pixel camera.  I got it in the mail, opened it, and spent hours programming it and setting it up.  Then I set out to take some cool and artistic pictures with the fancy camera on my blackberry.   The following 30 minutes were less than ideal.  The camera stunk!  Bowls of fruit were great, but anything so much as breathing would make the photos turn out awful and blurry.....Huge let down.  Then to make matters even worse about a week later, the camera just quit working all together, just turning it on would make my whole phone lock up.  Need less to say I was not happy and I searched the Internet to try and fix my problem, no one could help me.  I asked people who had the same phone I had and they couldn't help me either.  So I just lived with it.  I put it out of my mind and resolved that was just how it had to be.  Then one day I was driving on my way to my office and it dawned on me...what about the company who sold you the phone? Genius!  Maybe they could help?  So I went into my local Verizon wireless store walked up to the "tech desk" explained my problem and in less than 5 minutes I had a new phone issued to me.  Then man asked me how long this had been going on and when I told him about 6 months, he looked over the top of his glasses at me and simply asked, "Why"?  "I don't know", was all I could muster.  6 months I had let this go on, when the answer to my questions was right down the street.  Not getting your phones camera fixed is just silly, but enduring Life’s hardships while the fix is right there, is just ridiculous.  How many times I have endured things in my life just accepting them as "as good as it gets" and missed God right there, ready to fix, ready to love, and ready to repair.  

Incredible Hulk could Punch Jesus?

Yesterday, Rachel, My youngest son, and I were on our way to pick up the two older kids from school.  We are having normal conversation, mostly driven by my very talkative 4 year old, Jensen.  The topic was focused on superheroes, as it so often is, and yesterdays superhero of choice was "The Incredible Hulk".  We are talking about how tall he is, how green he is, how old he is, and finally resolving the biggest mystery of all....How strong he is.  Strength and size is a big deal when dealing with a super hero.  The "hulk" doesn't have any typical superhero powers, no flying or x-ray vision, but what he has is pure strength.  Sure it is anger induced and was brought on by to much Gamma Ray but it is pure strength!  So we talk a little more about the destructive power and strength of the "hulk" and then a rare and momentary silence..... followed by the big one!   "The incredible hulk  could punch Jesus." he says, then silence as he waited for my response.  I froze up...I had nothing.  I was actually pondering for a split second what that scenario would look like, then I snapped out of it and opened my mouth to say something really profound and change his life....and still nothing, not one thought would form.  Finally Rachel chimes in, unaffected by the amazing complexity of my genius sons question, with a simple and amazingly profound answer (at least for me).  "The incredible hulk is not real and Jesus is".  Dang it!  I couldn't have said that?  But somehow I actually felt enlightened.  Then to top it all off while I am still digesting what she said, my son simply responds with a very mature "Oh yeah!”   He didn't forget that Jesus was real; he forgot that the "hulk" wasn't.  For me, at times, it is the opposite.    

My struggle with dependency

I guess the title of this post, might, at first glance indicate that I struggle with some sort of addiction or vice in my life.   You might even think that writing on a blog in the middle of cyber space about those struggles with dependency might offer some therapeutic remedy or give me some peace of mind by just putting it out there.  I can certainly see the benefit of doing something like that and have had plenty of dealings with certain vices in my life. Although my first post will deal with dependency,  not my struggle to avoid it.  Rather, how I have managed to avoid it for so long.  How I continued to battle in my own strength to serve God on my own.  I was convinced God just needed to tell me what to do and then I would do it all on my own.

   There is nothing wrong with on your own is there?  On your own is noble and good, right?.  On your own is where all responsible, strong, and manly men reside, right?  We carry the load, we do the job, we "take care of business".  There is just one more thing to know about on your own it is also where all responsible, strong, and manly men, crash, crater, get buried, and burn out.  I believed for so long that I not only could do it on my own, but even worse, I thought I should.  My math was all messed up. I believed that more effort and work equalled more of what God wanted from me and equalled more of what he wants but I was doing the worlds math.  God wants my weakness, my inability, my vulnerability, and my emptiness.  He in short wants my total dependence on him.  For those of us who know him and don't depend on him, he will take us where he must to get it.  He will take us to where we need to go until we are low enough on our selves and have exhaused every thing we know and then, and only then, when we call out to him for something more.  When we cry out to him and say "I need you to....." then we are dependent on him and can be used by him.  The disciples werent huddled in the upper room for fellowship, they were waiting for some "helper" to come, they were scared and alone and calling out to God in complete dependency on him and then the Spirit was sent.  God doesn't want me to fight to serve him, he want me to surrender.  He want me empty and dependent on him, it is not a fun journey to total dependence.  It is, however, rewarding and worth it.  I am not even close to arriving in a state of dependence, but I am on my way.   On my knees, on my face, but not on my feet.  I surrender to you God.